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Detachment is a plant of slow growth; if you pluck the tender plant to look for the pods, you will be disappointed.
~ Sri Sathya Sai Baba
Detachment
What is it? Some ambiguous, esoteric expression?
How can any of us be “detached” from our lives, our stresses and problems?
The interesting thing is that when we detach from the negativity and the noise inside our heads – that’s when we truly embrace life.
So the big question is, how?
In our book, Heart Centered Leadership – An Invitation To Lead From The Inside Out, we included some ideas on detachment and how it applies to the workplace. Most of the concepts we explore may be incorporated into your personal life as well. The illuminating experiences of many spiritual teachers and other celebrated authors also solidify these theories. Here are some elements to consider when practicing the art of detachment, which may help you move toward a more gratifying life.
Awareness
Being attentive of everyday situations and being aware of the present and the passing of time is important for us in order to realize our place in this world. If all we are doing is preparing and worrying about what will happen next – when and if we take a ride on the roller coaster – then we miss the details of the day. The sun in the sky and the sheer joy and sense of fun as we tear down the hill with our hands in the air, screaming at the top our lungs.
Maybe this analogy is not for everyone – but you get the picture!
Do what you can to “stop the noise” of worry and self-imposed negativity by practicing meditative breathing techniques, journaling, and when it comes to the nagging stress of day-to-day issues, attempt to see the funny side of life. Have you forgotten how to laugh – at the world and yourself? Spend a Saturday morning watching a funny movie or a few Youtube comedy monologues from late-night TV if that’s what amuses you – or visit a comedy club. You have to exercise the “funny bone”, just like you exercise your muscles and your heart. And that means revisiting what made you laugh before you became so serious that somehow along the way you forgot to enjoy life.
Some things, when it comes right down to it, are more funny than maddening if you have the discipline to try to see it that way. It just takes time and “training”.
Acceptance
Many things are hard to accept in this life. One of the hardest is the human frailty of ourselves and others. Sometimes we build up an idea or a “flawed fable” in our minds of how another person should be – and we buy into that. This is obviously a recipe for disaster. It’s not based in reality and therefore it’s impractical to expect a realistic outcome. But we all do it. We concoct this idea of ourselves in this manner as well – and sometimes it’s a highly charged negative and unproductive representation of who we really are.
So the key here is a little self-mastery. We need to practice acceptance. Acceptance of others but first and foremost, acceptance of ourselves and all our imperfections. If you find yourself constantly being agitated because someone is not living up to your expectations, then you know you need some serious reality checks in this vein.
Roll With the Tide
Acceptance is important within our relationships but we have to be at peace with the concept of change. Change is inevitable of course but particularly at this juncture in history. There are countless world events, life-changing ideas and transformations occurring in our lives and, like it or not, we need to learn to embrace the idea of change – even if it’s just a little.
Control
What is control?
Our basic preoccupation with the “big picture things” in life is I believe, at the root of this. Matters of life and death, joy and tragedy, wellness and illness – some of these things can be controlled by our actions but not a hundred percent of the time. Giving up control can be trying, to be sure – particularly for the A-type personality. This frustration gets into our psyche and so, as a coping mechanism, we try as hard as we can to exercise power over the more menial, day-to-day aspects of life in order to feel as though we are master of our own destiny.
The bottom line is this: You can influence people and things in some ways – but never in all ways. Accepting that fact is key to letting go and understanding that it isn’t worth the time and energy to be upset by that indisputable outcome. I find journaling on this concept to be very helpful.
Here is an excerpt from page 94 of Heart Centered Leadership that says it all…
Letting Go of Control
~ Author Unknown
Letting go does not mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.
Letting go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization I can’t control another.
Letting go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
Letting go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it’s to make the most of myself.
Letting go is not to care for, but to care about; it’s to allow another to be a human being.
Letting go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes; it’s to allow others to affect their own destinies.
Letting go is not to be protective; it’s to permit another to face reality; it’s not to deny, but to accept.
Letting go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.
Letting go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.
Letting go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.
Letting go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. Letting go is to fear less and love more.
I hope you find these observations helpful – I revisit them often when I need a little nudge. How do you practice “letting go”?