The title of this installment, Stress Success, may sound strange but if we could take the focus off of dealing with stress in our lives and shift it to learning from adversity - we’d all be much better off. Some people thrive on stress - while others crumble under the pressure - but most of us fall somewhere in between.

Many people ask me how to handle stress in business and even in the myriad of personal life scenarios that can influence our emotional well being - so I’ve set out to formulate certain guidelines to deal with these challenges. Integrating many of these ideas so that they become healthy habits may help us inch closer to living in a state of “flow”. That is, living your life in a state of calm, clarity and ease - and who couldn’t use more of that?

The following six tips, below, pertain to stress in the workplace. I will offer more Stress Success tips relating to our personal lives in my next installment.

1. Establish what is within your control.
When dealing with a problem at work, ask questions of others to gain clarity or understanding if needed. Increase your awareness of personal stressors and your reactions to them. Write down everything that is within the scope of your control. Then look at the list and say, “I will do what ever I can do within my control and let go of the rest”.

2. Stay in the moment.
Be aware of your thoughts. Time and energy are often wasted on the “what ifs”. Focus on the “what is” by staying in the present moment, rather than worrying about future or past events. A helpful exercise to practice staying present is to meditate or focus clearly for two to five minutes on a pleasant picture or even a screen saver - or look out a window and focus on the leaves on a tree or any form of nature while deep breathing - into the belly - not shallow “chest breathing”. This gives your mind and body a quick rest. If you suffer from acute anxiety, you can ground yourself by finding some privacy and repeating ordinary information such as your name, address and phone number.  (”My name is …”; “I live at….”; “my phone number is…”; “my favorite color is…”). Do this while breathing into the belly, slowly. I know it sounds strange but it does help even if it is only to regain some composure when you are very upset - by connecting with the logical part of the brain this technique enables you to disconnect slightly from your emotions. Another helpful practice is EFT (emotional freedom technique) - often referred to as “meridian tapping”.  You can find more information here: www.eftuniverse.com
and view a short demonstration here: www.eft-stress-relief.com

3. Now is the time to do your best work.
Stay focused.  Show initiative by asking your superiors at work what you can do to take things off of his or her plate. The more you are able to help, problem solve, take initiative, the more valuable you will be to your organization and that will be remembered when you are evaluated.  If layoffs do occur, you may be considered indispensable, due to your attitude and work ethic.

4. Take a deep breath and relax as much as possible.
Five minutes of deep breathing calms the body down considerably, allowing anxiety to subside and helps keep you grounded and centered to make the best decisions.

“Heart-Centered” Breathing Exercise: If it is possible (even if you have to lock yourself up in a public restroom stall) close your eyes and put your hand over your heart and take very deep breaths. Breathing in with your nose and out with your mouth. Imagine that you are actually breathing in and out of your heart area. (Again, be careful not to use shallow “chest breathing” as you are in a meditative state, breathing deeply and focusing on your heart). Doing this exercise for as little as two minutes helps enormously. If you can give it a little more time, then imagine that you are in your “perfect place”. This is a place that brings you great joy, peace, comfort. For me it might be laying on the beach. This exercise will yield the best results if you involve all of the senses. So in the beach scene, feel the sand on your feet, smell the salt air, hear the waves rolling in, etc. This has a way of immediately shifting your perspective and calming the body/mind.

5. Keep a journal
Make it a habit to journal two or three pages every morning (this could happen on the train to work or if one was to get up 15 minutes earlier), or at night (it will help you put worrisome thoughts to rest). Write whatever comes to mind, even if it is “I have no idea what I am going to write”. Writing is a wonderful way to release energy out of the body and clear the mind - which enables us to find creative solutions to the problems we face throughout the day.

6. Take care of self
It may seem obvious - but we need to be reminded. Good nutrition, daily exercise and adequate sleep are very important factors to combat stress. Our society has a tendency to run on a lot of caffeine and other stimulants as well as fast food that does not nourish our bodies. I advise my clients not only to eat breakfast (and not to skip any meals) but also to carry protein bars in their purses or brief cases. Be sure to choose protein bars that have an optimum amount of fiber and protein but not too much sugar or calories. The brain works on glucose and cannot function without this energy, so eating something approximately every 3 or 4 hours enables us to sustain higher energy levels. It is also important to drink an ample amount of water. If you sit all day, take frequent breaks and get up and stretch and walk around. Commit to a cardio activity at least 3 times a week - walking is accessible to everyone with the added benefit of enjoying the outdoors, weather permitting. If possible, meet with a friend for a walk/run/squash game - the physical outlet along with the camaraderie will greatly reduce tension.

Keep in mind…

The first step is to make a conscious decision to take control of stress. Commit to practicing one or more of the “stress success” tips each day. Research shows that it takes 21 days to develop a habit - at which time, new neural pathways form, making your new, healthier habits harder to break. As you become stronger and more at ease, you will be able to establish a routine that works for you - and you’ll likely look for more ways to boost your vitality and well-being.

What works for you? I’d be interested in hearing how you are able to implement healthy, calming habits into your day that help you alleviate work-related stress.

Until then…take a deep breath…

Photo Credits: image #1, image #2

CLASS OVERVIEW

In this three full day learning experience, I will be teaching all of the tools and processes that I use currently in my executive coaching practice. I am sharing these tools for a number of reasons. First and foremost the practice of executive coaching had exploded over the last several years. It is important to me that when one coaches another, that the coach has all the tools and processes available to them in order to have a successful coaching experience. This is essential for both the coach and the client! Secondly, I have had the great fortune to be awarded a number of coaching contracts because of the fact that my techniques are clearly distinguishable from other coaches. In other words my processes and tools work! This has been validated a number of times by my clients who have worked with other coaches in the past and have seen a significant difference in the results that they have received from my coaching technology.

This class is not an introduction to coaching, as that requires a different type of training. We do offer a beginning essentials class where we build skills as a first time coach. There are also a number of a coaching schools for those just entering the field. This advanced class focuses on how to take a client all the way from beginning to end of the coaching engagement and how to measure the Return on Investment (ROI). With our guidance and direction you’ll learn new ways to ultimately take your coaching skills to the next level. Here is an outline of what you can expect to learn:

1. How to conduct the first conversation with the client

Once the engagement has been secured it is important in your first meeting with the client that you build a rapport, assess the readiness of the client to do the work, discuss the coaching process, homework and confidentiality issues, cancellation process and answer any questions that they may have about the process.

2. How to conduct the first conversation with the client’s boss (if applicable)

If the organization is funding the engagement it is important to get the client’s boss’ perspective on the strengths and development needs of the client.  Of course prior to securing the engagement most of this information would have been discussed. However now that all parties have agreed to work together not only do you want to obtain this information again for direction, it is also important that we begin to assess the relationship between the client and client’s boss. In addition, we want to know what will convince the client’s boss that this engagement is successful, begin to take a baseline measurement for success, review expectations, confidentiality issues and logistics of the program.

3. How to conduct the client induction meeting

In this step of the process we will obtain further baseline measurements as to where the client sees their current level of strength or development in each of the areas that they would like to focus on. We outline the goals of the program and agree on how to best work together in order to accomplish the goals.

4. How to identify a client’s Mental Models

One of the most distinguishable applications to this form of coaching is determining client’s mental models.  Mental models are beliefs that the client has assumed that may or may not be true for the individual but they are operating their life as if they were.  Mental models typically both serve and not serve the client.  Our process will help uncover these mental models, explore how they benefit the client and not benefit the client, and most importantly how to reframe these mental models into ones which serve them more successfully.

5. How to conduct a 360 degree process

There are a number of very good 360 degree instruments to choose from.  Another clearly distinguishable process that we use is to conduct the 360 degree assessment via interviews.  In these interviews we record almost verbatim everything that the 360 degree participants say. The questions are customized in order for you to obtain the most important information in a participant interview of 20 minutes or less.

6. How to conduct a  Personality Assessment

As part of the coaching process, we often use the Myers Briggs Interpretative Report as a personality assessment. We will discuss the pros and cons of doing so and what instruments you may want to use.

7. How to utilize additional introspection tools

Often we will use additional introspection tools to assist the client with uncovering their mental models or perhaps as an additional exercise that will enable the client to come to terms with behavior.  We will explore some of these and their applications.

8. How to create a Development Plan

Once the assessment phase of the coaching engagement is complete, we will ask the client to complete a development plan. We will review the development plan template, as well as, how to best complete and accomplish it.

9. How to administer pre and post coaching surveys

There are a number of ways that we will measure the Return on Investment for a coaching engagement. One of the ways to prove that the goals have been accomplished is through a pre and post survey process.  The pre and post coaching surveys are designed for the coach, the client and the client’s boss to complete.

10. How to administer mid coaching assessment

Mid-way through the engagement we complete a mid-coaching assessment. The purpose of this three way meeting (boss, client and coach) is to be certain that the engagement is accomplishing the goals that have been identified.  This also gives us the opportunity to redirect any appropriate efforts that might be necessary and to track our progress.

11. How to administer the final evaluation

Now that the coaching engagement has been completed we facilitate our last meeting between the coach and client to be certain that all goals have been accomplished. This allows us another opportunity to measure return on investment. In addition any necessary follow through process are also discussed.

12. How to build your coaching practice

Whether you’re providing coaching services within an organization or you are an independent coach, building your practice is essential to long term success.  We will identify ways in which you can sell your services either internally or externally.

13. How to use tools and processes that allow you to be fully present for your clients

In order for the coaching process to be successful it requires you to be truly present and in “non-judgment” of your client.  I will be sharing some techniques that have helped me stay heart centered.

14. Post Workshop follow up

To be certain that you are totally comfortable with the tools and processes taught in the R.O.I. of Coaching program, you will receive 2 one hour private coaching sessions after the training class with me personally. This is a 900.00 dollar value!  I just want to be sure that you are feeling confident and competent to use all that you have learned. In addition, upon request, we will conduct tele-classes and conference calls after the training so that you will have the opportunity to share with others your experiences with the tools and processes taught in the class, ask any questions and to re-connect with many of the workshop participants again.

The learning format is one in which you will have hands on practice using the tools. For over 90 percent of this training you will be wearing the hat of a client and the hat of a coach to learn personally how to use the tools but to also learn first hand as a client what it feels like to be coached with these tools. So the added bonus to you is a lot of practice to build confidence in using the tools but also your own personal development!

Since this is an extensive and comprehensive coach training, class size is limited to 8 participants. The smaller group size enables more one on one time with each individual and provides a more intimate and richer learning experience.

This experience is ideally suited for:

• The HR professional experienced in the areas of coaching, facilitating, training and consulting;
• Those with excellent communication skills;
• Those who operates with a high degree of ethics and integrity;
• Those who are well respected within the organization or as an independent coach
• Those with formal HR education.

If you are interested in participating, please contact me to schedule a phone meeting. It’s important to speak with each participant before registration to ensure it is the right match. There are several comments and testimonials from past participants below.

This program is ICF CCE approved for 22.50 units. The next workshop is scheduled for November 2 - 4^th, 2010 at the Homewood Suites in Bedford, TX (just south of the DFW airport). Cost for the class is $2900. Contact us at info@steinbrecher.com for a registration form and to schedule an application call with Susan.

Here are some comments from previous classes:

“This was a great addition to my resource base. The info and learning was user friendly and powerful.”

“It has the potential to change one’s life through the mental model exercise and thru gaining confidence in one’s capability to coach.”

“Extremely practical and information packed; time for practice and questions and networking.”

“Whether new to coaching or experienced, the level of learning and sharing was there. The “system” is given to you.”

“Great process that has been tested and refined. It will give me credibility.”

“Anyone doing executive coaching would benefit from this class.”

“It’s logical and flexible.  Loved small participant count.”

“Not only are the skills and processes unique, clear and very effective, the fact that Steinbrecher And Associates shares their technology and templates makes this workshop tremendously valuable to me personally and my growing practice.”

And testimonials:

“A very powerful three days!  Susan’s ROI process provided welcome structure to my coaching practice. I was able to deploy the process immediately with my clients.  Both coaching clients and their sponsoring leaders were extremely pleased with the ROI approach and results of their engagements.”

- Karen Bantuveris, Radiance Learning - Austin, TX

“I found comfort in seeing your model and although my approach is different, I discovered I was tracking closely to you… a by product was an increase in my confidence.”

- Connie Youngblood, The DB Group - Flower Mound, TX

“The workshop was phenomenal.”

- Anne Queillo, Abercorn Associates - Peachtree City, GA

“Thank you Susan for your generosity in sharing your process without other ties (i.e. licensing fees, etc.). Your spirit and passion for what you do was inspiration for all of us.”

- Marie Guthrie, Career and Life Tracks Coaching - Colleyville, TX

“I think this is an outstanding model for anyone to use and sets people up well for establishing a practice..”

- Joe Malta, Seminole Learning Resource - Winter Springs, FL

If you ask many accomplished people, they will tell you that someone believed in them somewhere along their path to success. It could be a parent, a friend, an employer, or a mentor of some sort - the point is that believing in someone can be incredibly powerful - even transformational.

I recently completed a 100 mile bike ride on behalf of the Leukemia Lymphoma Society (as part of the TNT Team in Training). I opted to ride a little closer to home in the Shiner G.H.A.S.P. The event started in Austin and ended in Shiner, TX - where the famous Shiner beer is produced.

As with my first century ride in Lake Tahoe in 2008, there were several “Ahha” moments and lessons revealed through out the training and the ride. I’d like to share with you some of the more memorable moments during my most recent ride.

We started training in February and rode through all kinds of turbulent, icy cold weather. I questioned my sanity a few times while peddling in 30 degrees F with a wind chill factor in the teens. Why would I leave the comfort of a warm, cozy bed to train in the freezing cold with headwinds most of the way? My answer was always the same: I had committed to the event and once I commit to something almost nothing will get in my way of accomplishing the task. I was also reminded and humbled daily with thoughts of those with Leukemia and Lymphoma (who we refer to as Honored Heroes) and their family members. Some of our team members were directly affected by this devastating illness - one had lost his wife to Leukemia and another team member’s wife was currently under treatment for the disease. I was riding for these people who could not.

The entire season was a series of training sessions with severe weather ranging from the coldest of conditions to extreme heat and invariably, heavy winds. We never had the good fortune to ride with the tailwinds - we faced the 15-20 mile headwinds!

I couldn’t help but notice a teammate (I will call her “Grace”) who struggled through many of the training rides. In some cases her muscles cramped up and she could not go the distance. She missed many rides due to family issues and on another ride she had a fall. It reminded me how difficult my first century ride was and how one’s confidence level can really be shaken to the core.

I approached Grace one day, as she appeared to be very upset. She shared with me her frustration about how she was “doing everything right” in terms of nutrition and fluid intake, and yet she continued to experienced muscle cramps. This meant her training rides were usually cut short. This was a big concern for Grace, as she had not been able to complete 60 miles and the 100-mile race was only 2 weeks away. I assured her that these unfortunate mishaps were quite normal and that even with these set backs she was going to achieve her goal - but first she had to believe in herself.

On the day of the event we were blessed with cloudy skies, which kept the temperature low for most of the ride. We had lots of wind, but the good news was that for the first time all season we had tailwinds! I felt like I was flying!

I was very disciplined and diligent with my nutrition. I knew from experience that I must take in about 200-250 calories an hour, while I burn about 400 an hour. Calorie management is extremely important so that you do not deplete your system and are able to maintain a high level of energy over a lengthy period of time.

I felt fantastic all the way until mile 83. It was here that I began to “bonk” as they call it - I realized I had neglected to maintain my 200-250 calorie an hour intake. The reason that I lost my focus and hourly nutrition discipline was that I took the focus off of myself and put it on my teammate.

When I met up with Grace on the course she was struggling. She was full of self-doubt and mentioned, “I have never ridden beyond 55 miles and we are almost there…I don’t know if I will be capable of going any further”. I reassured her that she would be able to and that we were going to cross that finish line together - no matter what!

It was such a joy to see the expression on her face once we got to mile 55, then 60 and then 65. She was so shocked at herself and I kept saying, “Look Grace, look at what you are doing!” She started to slow down and I reminded her it was not a race and it didn’t matter how fast you go - I had her draft off of me to conserve energy.  Soon after we hit the mile 80 marker I started to fade. My focus had been on Grace and now she was getting stronger and I was beginning to fade - fast.

I was able to recover but my timing slowed down. We took turns drafting off one another - Grace was now sharing more of the workload and we were both the better for it.

Finish Line: Grace & Susan

We crossed the finish line together - though not quite together - Grace was ahead of me! It was so thrilling to see the look on her face when she realized that she was going to complete the ride - as well as to see her gain confidence, motivation and momentum over time. At every milestone mark I would say, “Grace, look what mile we are on - you are going to do this - you have this!” She would smile and say, “I know…I can’t believe what I am doing!” At the end she thanked me and told me that she could not have completed the ride without me. I know she could have finished the ride, but the truth was that she didn’t believe in her success. The power of belief conquers all!

There were many leadership lessons reflected back to me through out the entire Team In Training experience. Here are a few of the gems that bear repeating:

To Lead: Follow

As a leader you often need to put your employee ahead of yourself and their needs ahead of your own so that they can gain the experience and confidence to do remarkable things. What do you get in return? Associates with extraordinary performance, confidence to do more, motivation to do better and the recognition that they are truly valued.

Appreciate the tailwinds - Learn from the headwinds

The wind can be your friend or foe. See the gifts in every situation. Support someone. Believe in them. Be their “tailwind”. Challenges are untapped opportunities.

Be Aware of Your Thoughts

Anything is possible if you have an unwavering or unyielding confidence that no matter where you are or what has happened to you in your past, success is possible. Everything starts with a thought. Thoughts repeated over time become beliefs. Our success or failure begins with the foundation of our core beliefs. Honoring the belief that you can be successful is the most critical first step to success.

The personal satisfaction and gratification of helping someone grow is an exceptional feeling. It is humbling and rewarding.

So…the question is: who needs to “draft off” you today?

Detachment

What is it? Some ambiguous, esoteric expression?
How can any of us be “detached” from our lives, our stresses and problems?

The interesting thing is that when we detach from the negativity and the noise inside our heads - that’s when we truly embrace life.

So the big question is, how?

In our book, Heart Centered Leadership - An Invitation To Lead From The Inside Out, we included some ideas on detachment and how it applies to the workplace. Most of the concepts we explore may be incorporated into your personal life as well. The illuminating experiences of many spiritual teachers and other celebrated authors also solidify these theories. Here are some elements to consider when practicing the art of detachment, which may help you move toward a more gratifying life.

Awareness

Being attentive of everyday situations and being aware of the present and the passing of time is important for us in order to realize our place in this world. If all we are doing is preparing and worrying about what will happen next - when and if we take a ride on the roller coaster - then we miss the details of the day. The sun in the sky and the sheer joy and sense of fun as we tear down the hill with our hands in the air, screaming at the top our lungs.

Maybe this analogy is not for everyone - but you get the picture!

Do what you can to “stop the noise” of worry and self-imposed negativity by practicing meditative breathing techniques, journaling, and when it comes to the nagging stress of day-to-day issues, attempt to see the funny side of life. Have you forgotten how to laugh - at the world and yourself?  Spend a Saturday morning watching a funny movie or a few Youtube comedy monologues from late-night TV if that’s what amuses you - or visit a comedy club. You have to exercise the “funny bone”, just like you exercise your muscles and your heart.  And that means revisiting what made you laugh before you became so serious that somehow along the way you forgot to enjoy life.

Some things, when it comes right down to it, are more funny than maddening if you have the discipline to try to see it that way. It just takes time and “training”.

Acceptance

Many things are hard to accept in this life. One of the hardest is the human frailty of ourselves and others. Sometimes we build up an idea or a “flawed fable” in our minds of how another person should be - and we buy into that. This is obviously a recipe for disaster. It’s not based in reality and therefore it’s impractical to expect a realistic outcome. But we all do it. We concoct this idea of ourselves in this manner as well - and sometimes it’s a highly charged negative and unproductive representation of who we really are.

So the key here is a little self-mastery. We need to practice acceptance.  Acceptance of others but first and foremost, acceptance of ourselves and all our imperfections. If you find yourself constantly being agitated because someone is not living up to your expectations, then you know you need some serious reality checks in this vein.

Roll With the Tide

Acceptance is important within our relationships but we have to be at peace with the concept of change. Change is inevitable of course but particularly at this juncture in history. There are countless world events, life-changing ideas and transformations occurring in our lives and, like it or not, we need to learn to embrace the idea of change - even if it’s just a little.

Control

What is control?
Our basic preoccupation with the “big picture things” in life is I believe, at the root of this. Matters of life and death, joy and tragedy, wellness and illness - some of these things can be controlled by our actions but not a hundred percent of the time. Giving up control can be trying, to be sure - particularly for the A-type personality. This frustration gets into our psyche and so, as a coping mechanism, we try as hard as we can to exercise power over the more menial, day-to-day aspects of life in order to feel as though we are master of our own destiny.

The bottom line is this: You can influence people and things in some ways - but never in all ways. Accepting that fact is key to letting go and understanding that it isn’t worth the time and energy to be upset by that indisputable outcome. I find journaling on this concept to be very helpful.

Here is an excerpt from page 94 of Heart Centered Leadership that says it all…

Letting Go of Control
~ Author Unknown

Letting go does not mean to stop caring; it means I can’t do it for someone else.

Letting go is not to cut myself off; it’s the realization I can’t control another.

Letting go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.

Letting go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.

Letting go is not to try to change or blame another; it’s to make the most of myself.

Letting go is not to care for, but to care about; it’s to allow another to be a human being.

Letting go is not to be in the middle, arranging all the outcomes; it’s to allow others to affect their own destinies.

Letting go is not to be protective; it’s to permit another to face reality; it’s not to deny, but to accept.

Letting go is not to nag, scold or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and correct them.

Letting go is not to adjust everything to my own desires, but to take each day as it comes and cherish myself in it.

Letting go is not to criticize and regulate anybody, but to try to become what I dream I can be.

Letting go is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future. Letting go is to fear less and love more.

I hope you find these observations helpful - I revisit them often when I need a little nudge. How do you practice “letting go”?

Heart Centered Leadership Principal #5: Know the Impact of Your Words and Actions

image: flickr

We often equate the role of a leader in an organization to that of a fish in a fishbowl. The leader, swims around minding their own business and doing what they need to do. Meanwhile, the rest of the world views them through the glass.

Indeed, as a leader in the proverbial fishbowl, your actions are magnified or possibly blown out of proportion. Your associates rarely see things from your perspective. In our book Heart Centered Leadership: An Invitation to Lead From the Inside Out we discuss one of the key principles, “Know Your Impact”, which is the ability to see things from the perspective of your employees. Every day, leaders are subject to the “fishbowl effect” - which is a very challenging position to be in.

The heart centered leader doesn’t stay in the bowl. Instead, he or she gets out a lot, mingles in the aquarium, studies and acts on the situations which develop daily. Ultimately, “knowing your impact” has to do with your willingness to put your power needs aside for the sake of having genuine influence on others. When you are caught up in having things your way - when you feel that you can’t let go - it is probably a signal that you do not understand the impact that your actions have on those around you.

Believe it or not, Winnie-the-Pooh sums up this Heart-Centered Principle quite nicely:

Sometimes, when you are a Bear of Very Little Brain, and you Think of Things, you find sometimes that a Thing which seemed very Thingish inside your head is quite different when it gets out into the open and has other people looking at it.

Leaders must make a fundamental decision to get out of the fishbowl, act in accord with deeply held values, practice what they preach and have the foresight to think through the consequences of their actions.

Are you in the bowl or out?

What is real power? Is it the propensity to exercise authority over another? To be the alpha male or female in a dog-eat-dog world?

A quote we use from the Tao Te Ching, in our book Heart Centered Leadership – An Invitation to Lead From the Inside Out says it all:

“Control over others is strength, control over oneself is power”

I think true power is the ability to have a healthy, positive influence in the lives of those around us by practicing humility. This means taking the time to listen with respect for another, admitting that you have made a mistake when things go wrong and eschewing a sense of entitlement. We need to accept that, in the end, people have a choice - to go along with our ideas, goals and deadlines -or not. This holds true in the workplace or even in personal relationships. Humility and respect for others is key to understanding your capacity to influence people in a positive way.

So how do you put this into play?

Let’s look at it in the business environment. First, try to open your eyes to the gifts of others around you. Let yourself be led, taught, and supported at times – you don’t always have to be the one with the answers!

Be supportive and communicative. What does that mean? No more ivory tower. No more “closed door” approach. No more “need to know basis”. Why? Because if you lead in a heart- centered way with humility and truthfulness, your associates will be motivated to do a great job - simply because they would never want to let you down.

This heart-centered way of relating to people is a more humble approach that opens the door to better communication and instills a sense of pride in your associates. By putting the virtue of humility into practice, you are inviting associates to take on the role of empowered and caring contributors to the team.

In these angst-ridden times, leaders in the business world are truly being put to the test. Sometimes, when the going gets tough, something unexpected happens to certain ill-equipped leaders. They may, unfortunately, begin to display undesirable traits that co-workers take notice of. Why does this happen? And what can be done about it?

There are a few answers to this conundrum but the first and most prevalent reason is lack of self-management skills. Many leaders do not possess these skills to handle the pressure. Examples of key self-management skills include the ability to calm yourself down, put things into perspective and understand the bigger picture of a situation. Many leaders panic or start “barking” when they are operating out of fear, although they may not recognize or acknowledge their fear. In this case, the saying “the only thing to fear is fear itself” holds particularly true. Negative behaviors in leadership roles are often created through fear of failure, or a fear of being “found out” that they don’t really have all the answers.

Research shows that when we are under a great deal of stress we don’t think clearly - and there is a great deal of scientific research to supports this. This means that when leaders are under tremendous pressure, they will often make very reactionary decisions versus strategic ones because they feel that they have to act instantaneously. The leaders in high profile positions that I have worked with and observed who handle pressure well have very well developed self - management tools. They are able to take in information and put it into perspective because they are very centered and self-aware. They consistently have enough confidence that the issue will eventually resolve- through their skills and dedication to the problem at hand.

The other consideration is that many leaders do not understand what true, authentic leadership is versus management. Some leaders believe that by exerting power over others that they will gain power. Unfortunately, the exact opposite is true! I have often coached leaders who were successful in their career and then they ultimately hit a wall. Over 70% of leaders that fail or derail in their career do so due to lack of interpersonal skills. As managers they would plan, direct and control and that is fine for a while, but as you get promoted into higher levels of authority and responsibility, you have to be able to make the shift from management competencies to leadership expertise.

Leadership is about influencing, persuading, negotiating and collaborating, which is a very different skill set. The simple truth is that as you move up the ladder you must typically rely on more and more people to assist you in the realization of your business goals and company vision - instead of as a manager fulfilling your duties to “get the job done”. This is why interpersonal skills are essential at this level.

In our book, Heart-Centered Leadership we address the importance of acknowledging the human element in leadership and the willingness of leaders to follow ethical principles and guidelines. Business leaders that have learned these valuable heart-centered skills understand that businesses are run - and can only be run - by people. They understand that people have the need to be valued, respected, listened to and involved. And by understanding this, leaders are able to literally transform any organization in a positive way and run extremely successful and profitable businesses.

I think it is an incredible cause. My dad died of cancer (although not from this form), but what impressed me the most was how much more treatable/curable this disease is today because of the dollars that have been spent toward research. I really felt that my dollars raised from my 100 mile ride in 2008 really did some good - plus the personal journey one experiences preparing for and during such a physically and emotionally challenging event are truly priceless.

Finish Line 2008

I blogged about my challenges, insights and triumphs during the 2008 ride in Lake Tahoe in Lessons Learned From the Road Part One, Two and Three.

I will continue to share here what life lessons are revealed this time round. If you are inclined to make a donation to help me reach the entry fee, I would be honored and grateful for your support. (Comments and feedback are really supportive, too…thanks!)

Link to my donation page is HERE

What is perspective?

I suppose it’s the way in which you look at the world through rose - or muddy - colored glasses. What do we see when we look at the world, other people, our problems? Is our perspective positive or negative? The answer to this usually lies in our mind’s method of categorizing each and every event - based on the past. What happened many years ago – as long ago as our childhood – to the events that took place yesterday; all have a huge impact on how we deal with new situations and how we judge others.

It is human nature to do this. We have a certain perspective of life and people based entirely on preconceived notions that are imprinted from our past experiences.

The problem with this mind-set is that we are not living in the “here and now” and maybe not as open to new ideas or perspectives. 

The principle “Don’t Assume. Don’t Judge, Come to Understand”, from Heart Centered Leadership – An Invitation to Lead from the Inside Out explains the dynamics of how this plays out in the workplace. Limiting beliefs such as such as stereotypical thinking, snap judgments and certain prejudices can rapidly sap the energy and productivity out of you and your associates.

How to begin? Attempt to take control over your thoughts – before they overrule your actions. Remember, we cannot hide our thoughts from anyone. People can sense it if someone thinks negatively about them or a situation. They in turn will act accordingly.

It can be very liberating to take responsibility for your actions, be more approachable with others and open-minded to new ideas. Empathy and taking the perspective of both sides is also essential in order to move forward with plans, schedules and goals. Why would anyone be motivated to do a good job if they are constantly under the intense gloom of pessimism and judgment?

The choice is ultimately yours – but consider this:

The thought manifests as the word: the word manifests as the deed; the deed develops into habit; and habit hardens into character. So watch the thought and its ways with care, and let it spring from love born out of concern for all beings.
- Buddha

How can we lead a more heart-centered life?

With the relentless pressures of work, and challenges of day-to-day life combined with the fearful, negative headlines in the media – remembering to “live from the heart” seems like a daunting task.

There are some people who live their lives from the heart. These “heart-centered” people seem to possess certain characteristics - a courageous and positive attitude, the ability to see both sides of the story, and an almost palpable enthusiasm for life.

How do they do it? I think it’s all in the small stuff. An appreciation for nature; a genuine affinity for people; the desire to help others; staying in touch with your emotions - or your own “heart” and the staunch protection of what keeps you on course in your life, be it family, faith, hope or charity. But creating a truly fulfilled life really seems to come down to one thing - and that is love.

Sometimes, I am reminded of the beauty of leading a heart-centered life by an ordinary, every day occurrence. Like when you meet a heart-centered person at a gathering of friends who just “blows you away” and you leave with a renewed sense of what’s really important. Or maybe it’s an inspiring movie…

Recently I saw a very moving film called Where God Left his Shoes.

Similar in feel to the heart-wrenching Will Smith movie The Pursuit of Happyness, Where God Left His Shoes tells the story of an ex-boxer, artfully played by John Leguizamo. Frank Diaz is married with two children – the product of his young wife’s previous relationship – and to say he is down on his luck would be the biggest understatement imaginable. Although he is clearly not skilled or particularly smart, he portrays a steadfast and loving husband and father – one that takes the time to show that he cares.

Frank fought in the Gulf War when he was 18, never learned to read and write and did what he knew best for a living - boxing. But when he loses a high-profile fight and then gets cut from his next moneymaking match, he decides enough is enough.

Since the fights are his sole source of income, Frank has to get a job or face financial ruin – but what happens next seems like hellish punishment. The unraveling begins on Halloween, when the family gets evicted from their apartment and end up at a homeless shelter.

What follows is the stuff that makes your stomach turn; bad luck follows more bad luck and the tale weaves its way around New York City at Christmas – and keeps the viewer firmly planted on an emotional roller-coaster.

Frank, as honest and hard working as he is, just can’t seem to get a break. He is met with prejudice, cold-hearted reactions and the bitter reality of modern day indifference. He makes ridiculous choices and foolish mistakes. Yet still, we root for him.

At one point, Frank’s “mini-man” stepson, who is tough-talking and smarmy, surprises Frank when he openly weeps and asks his stepfather why he doesn’t ever tell him he loves him. Frank lets him know that the head butts, the wrestling, and more “macho” displays of affection are “code” to let him know he is, indeed, loved.

Throughout the movie you keep hoping Frank will get out of the mess that just keeps getting incredulously worse by the minute. But it doesn’t happen.

Yes, Frank does terribly stupid things and the outcome is inconceivable, but there is an important message: One word: LOVE. The overriding, ubiquitous gift - that, even when life hands us lemons, the “lemonade” is love. It shows us all that through everything; the horrific pain and suffering of poverty, the gut-wrenching ache of rejection and prejudice, or the sting of failure; that there is one magnificent constant – and that must be, and is, love.

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